Dating Out of Desperation

"Dating out of desperation is like going grocery shopping on an empty stomach."

When our eyes are bigger than our stomachs, we have a tendency to make bad choices and end up with things that we do not need. EVERYTHING looks good when we are hungry. At that moment in time, all we are looking for is something to fill us up and take away the hunger that we feel. We end up putting things in our cart that we neither need nor really want but because the hunger that we posses distort the reality of what we truly need, we are temporarily blinded and side tracked. We will even pay a higher price to fill our hunger that is out of control. However, at the end of the day, because we only settled for a "quick fix" we still will not be satisfied.

The same goes with dating out of desperation. I am sure we all have reached a point in our singleness where we became tired of being alone. A point where we look around and notice that we have a lot of love to give but no one to give it to. You know the point I am talking about! That moment in life where we desire a mate or companion. Well, just like we grow hungry for food, we also grow hungry for other things as well and love is one of them. God designed us to be loving individuals. In fact the two greatest commandments that Jesus gave to us encompass love. These two commandments that I am referring to are, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10:27). With this in mind, we can see how important love is in our lives. I am not saying that love can only be displayed in a relationship but companionship is the type of love many people desire.

I say all that to say, the hunger for love is NOT a bad thing. Love is awesome! This hunger becomes bad for us when our wants and desires for love begin to overtake us and distort our realities. Just like in the example of grocery shopping while hungry, searching for love while "love hungry" works the same way. At that moment in time, everyone that comes your way may LOOK good TO you because you are hungry and just want something to fill the void that you have BUT everyone that you pick up is NOT necessarily good FOR you. I say it all the time...Ladies, every MAN is NOT meant to be your MATE. Please keep that in mind.

So How Do I Control My Hunger For Love?

Excellent question! First start by refocusing your attention and energy. An idle mind focused on the wrong things is very dangerous. Satan will definitely try to use this season of singleness to fill your mind with thoughts of loneliness but remember, JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ALONE RIGHT NOW, DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE LONELY!

Take this time to refocus your mind and your attention. What are some things that YOU want to accomplish? What are your goals, dreams, and ambitions? Have you placed your life on hold trying to find a mate? These are just a few questions that you may want to begin with.

Being single offers you the time that you need to accomplish everything that YOU want to accomplish. Many people become so focused on the idea of having a mate that they do not realize the responsibilities that come along with it. Once you get married, the focus is no longer on "me" but the focus is on "us". I am not saying you can’t accomplish the things you want when married but I am saying that accomplishing these things will be much harder because it’s not just about you anymore. So while you are single, why not use this season of your life wisely. Focus on you!

What role does God play in your life? This is another very important question that you want to address. Why? Well simply put, GOD IS LOVE! If you haven’t experienced the love of God, you haven’t experienced true love at all. Experiencing love without God is like desiring McDonalds on a first date because you have never been treated to a five star restaurant...you are just settling for scraps.

The love of God will help you to see love clearly. What love IS and what love is NOT. God's love will show you what you are worth and it will show you why you don’t have to settle for less than that. The love of God will open you heart and allow you to love and accept yourself just as you are. Until you love yourself you cannot love anyone else. The Bible says to love your neighbor AS YOURSELF which means you must love yourself first and to love yourself, you must find love through God.

It is important that we learn to feed on the sources of love that God has already placed in our lives. That includes God first, then us, and thirdly our neighbors. In order to make wise decisions and selections that are nutritious to our bodies, as well as our hearts and souls, we MUST be FULL and WHOLE already. Remember: "The full soul will loathe even the honeycomb, but the empty soul will find even a bitter thing sweet".

If you haven’t already, it’s time to get yourself to the point where you can say, "I will no longer allow my hunger to drive me into the arms of those who are undiscerning of my worth and undeserving of my heart." I absolutely LOVE this personal confession that Michelle McKinney Hammond gives in her book "How To Be Found By The Man You Are Looking For". This is just another way of saying fill your hunger for love with the love of God FIRST so you won’t just fall for anyone that comes your way but instead you will have the discernment, wisdom, and guidance that you need to fall for the right one that GOD has for you! Always remember, being SINGLE does NOT mean you have to SETTLE! Continue to wait on God's BEST for you! ♥

Peace and Many Blessings to You

I love you all,

Christina Emily